Just read a fascinating article on the link between time, money, and happiness.

The article cites some psychological research which looks at how time, money, and happiness are related. You can read the whole article, of course, but if you don’t have time (!) let me summarize the main points. People experience different degrees of happiness based on how they perceive time and money.

When people are thinking about time, they tended to socialize more and work less. When they had been primed with the concept of money, they tended to work more and socialize less. The implications of the study suggest that people who think about time tend to be happier and more connected than those who think only about money.

When people think about time, and how they spend their time, they tend to behave in more connected ways. Being more connected and having more connections tends to lead to a greater sense of happiness.

As people become increasingly concerned about the return on investment of social media, it may be wise to focus on both time and money. Of course, as a business, your main focus may need to be on money, at least most of the time. But if you are using social media to build your personal network and connections, you may feel happier and more contented if you focus not just on the money you make from social media, but, also, on the connections and contacts you build and grow.

This has important implications for how satisfied you feel with your social media use.

What I’ve seen in my business is that personal connections are worth cultivating because they, very often, lead to new opportunities and new business.

If you want to be happier, focus on time and how deep the connections are with your social media networks. I believe this focus on time at the beginning will bring you more money in the end.

I’m curious, as you know, in the interplay between human psychology and social media, so I wanted to share some research with you about social networks and loneliness.

Sparked from this article, this post will deal with being highly socially networked, but still experiencing loneliness.

The research cited is interesting, because it finds that there is a whole group of behaviors (including happiness, smoking, and obesity) which are seen as “contagious” within your social network. This means that the behaviors and attitudes of those in your social network have direct impact on your choices in these areas.

It’s a powerful statement of how influenced we are by those we are closest to.

Loneliness is defined as a perception of social isolation, regardless of how many relationships a person really has. People who have high quality relationships, even if they are few in number, tend to experience less loneliness. John Cacioppo, a psychologist at the University of Chicago, has studied how loneliness is transmitted within social networks.

His findings suggest that if a direct connection of yours is lonely, you are 52% more likely to be lonely. If the connection is a friend of a friend, 25% more lonely. If the connection is 3 degrees out (a friend of a friend of a friend), it’s 15%.

While this research looked at offline social networks, it may have some implications for online social networking as well.

If someone in your online social network is angry, lonely, or hostile, and takes it out on you, you are more likely to ‘transmit’ this mood yourself. This means that, even though you may never have met this person, or interacted with them in real life, their “bad behavior” can still influence yours.

As we become increasingly networked and involved with each other, it’s going to be more and more crucial to monitor our own influences and reactions. We are already prone to increased social decision-making with the growth of social media- we might also be more prone to social media moodiness, depending on who we are spending time with and paying attention to within our social networks.

While social media seduction is enticing, it’s important to remember that we need to cultivate real life friendships too. We need to be aware of separating our thoughts and emotions from those we are in contact with, and making sure that our reactions or feelings are truly our own before we engage in behaviors we might regret.

If you find yourself feeling frazzled, hassled, overwhelmed or stressed out by too much social networking, it might be time to turn the computer off.

Rejection always hurts, no doubt. In fact, when I worked as a psychologist, rejection (fear of it, or getting over it) was, perhaps, at the root of many of the issues which brought my patients to my therapy practice. I heard so much conversation about this topic that I actually wrote a book on strategies for overcoming rejection.

Now, working as a social marketer and online business consultant, I see that rejection continues to be an issue- but not in quite the same way as I’ve seen before. Now, people are experiencing social media rejection, and wondering what to do about it.

Social media rejection can occur in several ways:

One way is that your request to connect is either denied (harsh!) or ignored (vague.). You might reach out to someone that you know, or would like to know, and get a strong negative reaction or response back. In most cases, you’ll be wondering what happened- what you did to set this person off. Similarly, you might reach out to someone, and they just never seem to get back to you on your connection request.

A second way social media rejection occurs is when you find that you’ve been culled from a list- whether it be taken out of Top Friends on Facebook, or unfollowed on Twitter, or similar. The thing about this is that it might not always be clear what happened. I know, for instance, that sometimes my Twitter account behaves strangely, and my account unfollows people I actually still want to be connected to. I believe, sometimes, that this might be due to some kind of technical glitch, or just a ‘drop’ by the Twitter servers. Anyway, the point is that sometimes people get unfollowed- and then contact me, wondering what happened. Likewise, I know there are times where I’ve been unfollowed, and I’m not sure why.

The third way (more subtle) that social media rejection occurs is when you try to take part in a conversation or make a connection and it is directly rebuffed or ignored, in real time. Again, the challenge with this is you can’t always know if the rebuff or ignore was intentional or accidental.

As with any technologically based method of communication, glitches do happen.

That being said, what about when you are sure that you’ve been rejected? When there is no doubt that you’ve been unfriended or unfollowed on purpose?

Even though it’s virtual, rejection still hurts. Research says that social rejection can actually cause physical pain- a holdover, anthropologists believe, from evolutionary times, where we needed to be part of the ‘tribe’ in order to survive.

Today, while rejection may not impact our survival, it doesn’t make it easier to deal with.

So how to deal with social media rejection? Here are some ideas:

1) If you were unfriended or unfollowed by someone and you’re very surprised, why not reach out and ask what happened? If appropriate, call the person. It might be a technical glitch (as outlined above), or it might be an indication of something that needs to be discussed. While it can seem a bit awkward, at first, to call and say, “Hey, I noticed you stopped following me on Twitter.”- (I mean, who wants to be a social media narcissist, right?), you have to consider whether the relationship is worth the awkwardness. If it’s an important connection, I think the little bit of awkwardness is worth it.

2) If you aren’t close enough to the person to contact them offline, but you are still wondering what happened, try to reach out to them directly. @ message them on Twitter or leave a comment on their Wall- something nonconfrontational, like “hey, just wanted to connect/reach out/get in touch.” This may show them that you do care about them and want to connect or communicate.

3) You can ignore it or just move on. Not all situations are going to warrant follow up or follow through. It’s also wise not to spend a lot of time brooding over people who step out of your social stream. In the same way you can’t focus too much when people unsubscribe from your email list, you can’t focus too much when people unsubscribe from your networks. You never know how or why people make the choices they do, and so it’s not worth being too upset over. You’ve heard this before, but don’t take it personally.

Of course, though, the goal here is moderation and balance. If you find that significant people are unfollowing you or unfriending you, there may be something in your approach that needs adjustment (or maybe your account got hacked.)

But like any other kind of relationship in real life, your online social connections will evolve- with people moving out, and, hopefully, new people moving in.

I’ve been thinking about the topic of this blog post for a while. It’s lately becoming more and more evident to me that social media is seductive- both in a business sense, and a personal one. On a business level, social media is seductive because it represents a way to create new relationships and fill our business pipeline. Done right, social media can be the last lead generation strategy you’ll ever need. (Not that I’d recommend this, it’s always wise to have multiple marketing channels to best stabilize your business.)

The personal element is the one I want to focus on in this blog post, because it’s this element that isn’t talked about very much. Social media is seductive- and it’s easy to be seduced. What this means is that you can be pretty much anyone you want to be within the social media space- and you can present yourself as more outgoing, charming, vivacious, or even attractive than you are in real life (especially if you use a picture of someone who is much hotter than you.)

We all have a desire to be liked and admired and respected, and social media gives us a way to do this. In some ways, everyone wants to be a social media rockstar, to benefit from the accolades, recognition and adulation that comes from everyone loving you. (Or at least seeming to.)

The problem with this, as with any kind of online (and potentially one-sided) relationship is that no matter how scintillating or fantastic you are within social media, you are, at the end of the day, still a real person with real assets and real liabilities.

Social media connections and online relationships have a place in your life, but should never substitute for real life/offline connections with people who have a chance to spend time with you, know you, and hang out with you- not just worship an image of you.

The other challenge in terms of balancing social media with real life relationships is that in social media, you can always find someone to talk to on Twitter, and you’ll be able to find people who agree with everything you say. Your personal popularity can be at an all time high online, but this doesn’t automatically translate into a golden life offline.

In fact, your real life relationships may suffer from too much social media popularity. I was speaking with a client earlier today who has recently joined Twitter. She has been spending a lot of time learning the system and has been tweeting very often. She has made some powerful connections and constantly feels drawn to tweet multiple times per day- even when she has agreed to spend time with her husband. Any lull in their conversation sees her picking up her Iphone and updating her Twitter status. It’s lately been causing some strain in her marriage because technology is, at times, more powerful and more consuming than her real life relationships.

With the constant stimulation and 24/7/365 access we can have to social media networks, it becomes more important that we create some kind of balance in our use of the social media sites. The psychology of social media is such that we do desire connections. We just need to make sure that the lure of our online connections doesn’t overshadow our interest in our offline ones.

When you think about getting involved with social media, do you feel stressed out? Negative? Avoidant? Don’t worry, that’s normal.

It can be daunting to think about putting yourself “out there” in terms of engaging in social media. Aside from the real privacy and safety concerns about being so transparent online, it is also easy to see that, in some facets, social media is like a popularity contest- and one in which everyone knows where you’re ranking.

For many of us, it reminds us of high school- where we really wanted to be popular, cool, and hip- but just didn’t know how. And it’s not helped, at all, by the fact that some of our peers and colleagues feel so at ease swimming in the social media pool.

Underneath the shyness may be a feeling of discomfort- both of learning the new paradigm and then investing in it. We may use excuses of “social media is just a fad” or “serious businesses don’t use social media”, but, unfortunately, we’d be wrong on both counts.

Research suggests that the largest companies will be investing heavily in social media over the next few years. If you don’t dive in pretty soon, you might miss the party all together.

So what is a social media wallflower to do? Here are some tips to get started gently and easily with social media:

Determine how much you are comfortable sharing within the online space. Some people will be fine talking about their spouse, their work, and their pets- but not their children. Some people will feel more comfortable sharing about just their work and personal interests, sans family information or photos. There is not “right” or “wrong” way to participate, so you should always do what makes you the most comfortable. Realize, too, that certain social sites may require more “up to the minute” updates (think of Twitter, for example), which may not be quite your style. Create some guidelines for what you’d be comfortable sharing with complete strangers who may, eventually, become part of your professional network.

Focus first on a professional social network. One of the easiest, and most familiar, ways to step into social media is by using professional social networking sites, such as LinkedIn.  This site allows you to contribute professional data, and to connect with others around your professional network. Given that this site is quite similar to creating an electronic resume or CV, even the shyest person should be able to complete the profile process quite successfully. There is more to using LinkedIn, of course, but getting your profile up is the first step.

Read the instructions. Be sure you understand what kind of data each site collects, and how it uses or shares your information. On some sites, data you provide will be automatically shared (public/viewable) with other users. So clarify how the site uses data and set your privacy settings appropriately.

Start small. Like any new skill you want to acquire, it is best to start small. Select one or two sites to start with, and gradually add on others as you move forward.

And who knows? One day you may find yourself participating, sharing, networking- and loving every minute of it.